she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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