My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
