If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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