Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
