I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
