i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
