covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
