So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
