I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
