Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize