Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
