My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
