garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
