break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
