Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
