that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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