last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
