There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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