I want to have your abortion
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
