Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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