Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
