In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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