you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
its liver damage thursday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
