508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
