I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
