So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
