Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
