I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
God, I missed his penis.
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