Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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