No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
