Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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