I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
