I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
