so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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