Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
