The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
