I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
