Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Duck Duck Cougar?
4 words: hood of his car
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
