Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
