are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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