i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Vodka?
Forever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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