He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
