She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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