I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
