she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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