oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he shaved USA in his pubs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
