I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
