Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize