I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
