dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
