I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
