evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
