eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize