So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
