I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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