the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
