At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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