OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
