I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
