Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
