i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
