He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
