my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
