She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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