It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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