We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
