i don't like sucking hair
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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