if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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