you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
