these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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