We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
