is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
