Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
