ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
