covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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