Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
