i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im holly from the hills drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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