Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
