He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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